Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
