oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
