Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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