I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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