he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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