you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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