Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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