I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
