I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
