The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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