I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
