Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
