After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
