Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
