mondays should just be called national damage control day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
