My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
