I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
