If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
