Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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