His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize