Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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