I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
