the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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