Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
