She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
