I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize