Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
