My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
