Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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