Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
