"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who died my cat blue again?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
