So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
