I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
