dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
