If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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