I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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