my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Randomize
