Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
