If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
