ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
