we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
