The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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