I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
