Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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