Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize