The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
