Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
