my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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