Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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