That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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