That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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