If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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