Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Everyone says I win the strip club
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
