True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
