You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
