When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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