I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
