Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize