"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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