We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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