I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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