My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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