I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
