drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to sanitize my soul.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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