Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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