yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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