I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
