i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
