remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize