May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
