Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize