but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
