she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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