I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
