It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
