Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
