The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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