apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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