yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
