There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
