I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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