We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
