I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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