the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
