Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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