apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
