the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So vagazzling was a success
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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