had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
