never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
