he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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