It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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