Whod you bang
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize