You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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