I wish I only lived at night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
