either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Text me some of your sweat
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