holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
