i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize