I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
