I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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