im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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