and you said cock pushups were impossible
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
