How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
